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All She Wants For Christmas Is Blue Orchids and Poo!

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Give Like Grumpy

Oh no! Not ANOTHER silk floss tree! Photo: Allen Rokach

Christmas brings joy, but it can also bring pain–especially if someone in your family is so insensitive and self-absorbed they never give you what you want. Show those people the error of their ways with these excellent garden gifts chosen by Grumpy.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my Grumpy gave to me…..

Orchid

Photo: AvasFlowers

…..a moth orchid in a totally unnatural color. Like blue! Up until now, the overwhelming color of choice for this orchid has been pure white, but that’s so………boring. Fortunately, plant growers have discovered that if they inject dye into a white moth orchid that’s in bud, they can make the flowers turn out any color they want. This two-stem orchid from AvasFlowers costs only $52.99. Ho! Ho! Ho!

What’s that, you say? Blue orchids are tacky? No problem. AvasFlowers also sells this lavender moth orchid!

Orchid

Photo: AvasFlowers

Simply stunning! Grumpy thinks this is the perfect houseplant for your Thomas Kinkade-themed cottage. Thomas couldn’t have painted these blossoms any better himself. One reason is that he’s dead.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my Grumpy gave to me…..

Manure

Oh, crap! Photo: Boxed Revenge

…..this beautifully gift-wrapped jar of gen-u-wine cow or horse manure. Poo-hooooooo!!!

This gift is perfect on so many levels. First, when Grumpy asks his readers what Christmas gift they want most of all, many respond, “A truckload of manure!” Now those people are good gardeners! Second, maybe you’ve had unpleasant dealings with someone this year and you’d like to finally resolve the situation. What better way to express your feelings than surprising them with this? Because the manure is graciously perfumed, they’ll never know what’s inside until they open it and realize you’re thinking of them. Only $20 plus shipping from Boxed Revenge.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my Grumpy gave to me…..

Mole trap

Sayonara, moles! Photo: Gempler’s

…..the one way to kill moles that actually works! It’s the Mole Eliminator Trap from Gempler’s. And it don’t care if moles have been naughty or nice.

The Grump is not gonna sugar-coat this one for you. You press this steel trap into an active mole tunnel and set it. When a mole bumps into it, it kills him. Removing the trap safely disarms it. After Grumpy recommended it to loyal reader Susan Pope Whitmire, it whacked one for her the very first day.

So forget about poison peanuts. Forget about Juicy-Fruit gum. Forget about sonic vibrators (!). If someone you know has problems with moles, give them a Mole Eliminator Trap. Make this the mole’s last Christmas ever!

More great garden gift ideas coming this Thursday.

 

 

 


Filed under: The Daily South, The Grumpy Gardener Tagged: Annuals and Perennials, Christmas, Gardening, Humor, manure, moles, orchids, Pest Control, Products

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